Why Men Cheat vs. Why Women Cheat: The Science Behind Betrayal, Addiction, and Forgiveness

Infidelity is more common than most people want to admit. According to the Institute for Family Studies, about 20% of men and 13% of women in relationships have admitted to cheating at least once....key word being admitted. It is safe to assume these numbers are even higher in reality, especially when the varying definitions of "cheating" are taken into consideration. Even more revealing, studies show that up to 40% of people would consider cheating under the right circumstances. While every act of betrayal is unique, science reveals consistent patterns in why men and women stray—and understanding these can offer powerful insight into relationships, healing, and trust.

Why Men Cheat: A Look at the Top Motivations

Research consistently shows that men and women often cheat for different reasons. For men, the reasons commonly stem from opportunity, sexual dissatisfaction, and a desire for novelty. Here are the most common reasons men cheat, based on findings from the University of Maryland and Psychology Today:

1. Sexual Variety and Novelty

Many men cite a desire for sexual excitement or variety that they feel is missing in their current relationship. The biological pull toward novelty, sometimes referred to as the “Coolidge Effect,” has been documented in evolutionary psychology.

2. Dissatisfaction with Sex Life

Men may feel their sexual needs aren’t being met, and instead of addressing this within the relationship, they seek fulfillment elsewhere.

3. Opportunity and Impulsivity

Some infidelities occur simply because the opportunity presents itself, particularly when alcohol or travel are involved. These cases often involve little emotional planning.

4. Boosting Self-Esteem

According to clinical psychologist Dr. Robert Weiss, some men cheat to regain a sense of power or desirability, especially if they’re experiencing stress or failure in other parts of life.

5. Emotional DisconnectionWhile less common than in women, some men report cheating because they feel emotionally neglected or disconnected from their partner.

Why Women Cheat: Emotional and Relational Factors

Women's motivations for infidelity tend to center more around emotional dissatisfaction and unmet relational needs. According to a study in Journal of Sex Research, women are more likely to feel emotionally attached to their affair partners.

1. Emotional Neglect

Many women cheat because they feel unappreciated, ignored, or emotionally abandoned in their primary relationship.

2. Seeking Intimacy and Connection

Women often report cheating to experience the deep emotional connection they’re missing with their partner. This can occur even if the relationship appears stable from the outside.

3. Falling Out of Love

When love fades or changes, some women seek new emotional or romantic excitement elsewhere, while trying to avoid the risks and consequences of separation or divorce.

4. Sexual Dissatisfaction

While often thought of as a male motivation, women also report cheating because their sexual needs aren’t being met—though this is frequently tied to emotional factors.

5. Revenge or Retaliation

Some women admit to cheating as a form of retaliation after discovering a partner’s infidelity, or to “get even” in response to feeling emotionally hurt.

How This Differs in Same-Sex Relationships

Same-sex couples tend to show more variation in relationship norms and expectations around monogamy. Research from the Journal of Sex Research suggests that gay male couples may be more likely to distinguish between emotional and sexual infidelity. Lesbian couples, meanwhile, report infidelity at similar rates to heterosexual women, often linked to emotional dissatisfaction.

Addiction and Infidelity: When It’s More Than a Choice

Addiction—whether to substances or sex—can be a powerful driver of infidelity. Sex addiction, officially recognized as an impulse control disorder, involves compulsive sexual behavior that often leads to betrayal. Clinical psychologist Dr. Stefanie Carnes notes, “People with sex addiction aren’t cheating because they’re unhappy in their marriage—they’re acting out compulsively.” They experience an inability to control or stop these impulses and experience withdrawal symptoms if they are able to abstain. Substance abuse also plays a major role. Under the influence of alcohol or drugs, people are more likely to disregard consequences, lower inhibitions, and make impulsive decisions they might otherwise avoid. The brain of a sex addict and drug addict are very similar.

Do Couples Survive Infidelity?

Absolutely. In fact, most do. Research from the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy found that 60-75% of couples stay together after one partner cheats. For some, the infidelity serves as a painful wake-up call that drives deeper communication and commitment. For others, shared history, children, or financial dependence play a role in staying. Aside from the reasons to stay or go, it is important to understand that infidelity does not need to mean the demise of a relationship. Repair is possible.