3 Things Your Partner Secretly Wished you Did



No one can truly know exactly what goes on in the mind of their partner. And for most of us, the guessing game is just a dangerous attempt. But this is often all we are left with, as openly asking for what you need or desire requires significant courage and vulnerability. We are afraid that we will either be judged for what for what we desire or left unfulfilled in what we need. This is why psychologists often examine the unspoken dynamics in relationships. Research studies reveal 3 of the greatest unspoken wishes of partners.


(Please note that the majority of research collected on relationships reflects heterosexual couples. We desperately need more research studies that represent LGBTQ relationships).


Here is what men are waiting for…


An astounding 98% of men confirmed that feeling sexually desired is important to them. Even more so, nearly all of these men shared they were left wanting more in this arena. Researchers Sarah Hunter Murray and Lori Brotto interviewed 300 men between ages 18 and 65 to break down the fallibility of sexual scripts in Western culture. Society expects men to be the dominant partner who initiates sex more often and focuses on making their counterpart feel desired. But they want to be the recipient as well. Not only do they wish their partner ignited physical intimacy more often, but they want their partners to be more dominant and aggressive in nature during sex overall. It’s important to understand the undertone of this request. It is not simply for their physical pleasure. It meets their emotional needs to feel needed and wanted.


Meanwhile, women are secretly hoping…


A Philadelphia-based author and activist recently polled her online female subscribers to discover what they need most in a partnership. 89% of women concluded that communication was the most important relationship factor and that they wished their partners had a greater capacity for expressing themselves emotionally. Many of the women interviewed felt that they were left longing to be let in to their partner’s inner world. This is not the type of communication that simply involves clearly stating facts and sharing data. It is more complex and likely why so many may struggle to meet this expectation. It is the kind that involves emotional intelligence and an ability to deeply connect with another.


And everyone can agree…


In both of these investigations, it was clear that men and women equally longed to feel more respected by their partners. The participants described relationship situations in which they were left out of important decisions, had their requests ignored, held to a different standard than their partner, felt unappreciated for their contributions, etc. Many stated that they wished their partners would show greater care for them. Though the act of respecting someone can take millions of various forms, asking what they need and honoring it is an easy place to begin.

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